a great weekend, a grilling weekend.

this past weekend was soooo fun! one of the best regular-old-weekends in a long time! get ready to read a super-duper long post...

Thursday:

Nate and Kylee Behunin and Jacob Schwab came to our house for dinner. I made awesome turkey burgers and Kylee made a spinach/strawberry/candied almonds salad and Nate made this strawberry/onion/poppyseed dressing that was so delicious and we had cantaloupe. I set out the whole table with all the food and it looked FABULOUS...and then I forgot to take a picture :(

We hung out and talked forever and then went swimming at the South Davis Recreation Center (our gym). It has a lap/diving pool and another pool with a lap pool, lazy river, kids playground, and slide. We got there at 9 and almost everything in the pool was closed! LAME. The slide was closed, the lap pool (with the basketball hoops) was closed so people could swim laps (there was only one older lady and she left after 15 minutes and the grumpy teenage lifeguards STILL wouldn't let us shoot hoops..?), Jake and Nate ran to play on the little kid playground and they got in trouble, then all the boys tried to have a race swimming backwards in the lazy river and they got in trouble again! Everything was closed. Jake went up to the girl lifeguard (the grumpiest) and asked if she could open some stuff up or at least just let them have some fun and she said a flat "No." So as he swim-walked away, he said a loud, "Well, I guess FUN is closed." Bahaha we died laughing. Kylee and I sat in the hot tub, which got increasingly more full with older men. One old old guy came and sat down kinda-by-me-ish and then laid down-ish and kept stretching his feet out and touching my leg...? I don't think he was trying to be creepy or anything, because when I would turn around to give him the stink-eye, he was just spacing out. I think he had a hard time knowing the boundaries of personal space. Or maybe he couldn't feel his feet or toes... (aren't you excited to get older?!) Or maybe he was a creep who was just really good at being inconspicuous.... Anyway, then Jake went to the dive pool (which was closed because there was a water aerobics class in there until 10, when it normally closes) and worked his charm with another lifeguard so she let us come un at 9:55 and the boys jumped off the diving boards and did gainers and huck-and-tucks and back flips and dives and a few belly/back flops. Travis landed his huck-and-tuck for the first time ever though (round of applause, ladies and gents) - we all got a little teary eyed for him, and he avoided teary eyes by not landing on his face.

Friday:

On Friday we went camping with my new friend Kari Betensen and her husband Will and all of his friends. We were supposed to go up by B Mountain but there was a chance of rain so we camped out in Will's parents backyard which was fine with me because when Kari called me to ask us what our opinion was on the matter and mentioned "Plus if we camp at his parents house we won't have to go to the bathroom out in the woods" and my eyebrows shot up when I realized I hadn't even thought of that (or brought toilet paper) so then I recommended the backyard whole-heartedly! It was fun to hang out with a group of all new people and all of his friends were really nice and welcoming. We grilled burgers (grilled food take 2 for this weekend), hotdogs and made s'mores around the campfire and stayed up super late hanging out. Will's friends told crazy stories about when they were in high school; the best one was about when their friend waved a toy gun out of the car window and tons of cops pulled them over and were freaking out. They asked Travis if he had any crazy high school stories, so Travis told them about when he and his friends stole the Hostess truck haha. We bought a blow-up mattress to sleep on (for my rickety, old back) but it was impossible to blow up (there was a "foot pump" built into the mattress - yeah right, that thing sucked!). Even though it got super cold we slept great (with our ear plugs) and ate poppyseed muffins in the morning from Costco :) (Kari took some pictures but I don't have them yet - I will put them up later!)

Saturday:

After we got home from camping we watched some Friday Night Lights and took a nap then got ready to go to the 12th Annual Grill Fest (his aunt/uncle's family/friends party) and his best friend Rob's wedding! We had to be at the Grill Fest at 5:30 so we could leave in time to be to the wedding at 7. The Grill Fest was all the way out in north Ogden and we were a bit overdressed for a barbecue... We only had enough time to shove a hotdog (grilled food take 3 for this weekend) and some other yummy potluck food down our throats, say "Hi...Bye!" to the family and be off. We got to the wedding right before 7 and it was one of the most interesting/cool weddings I've ever been to. It was at a place called Cactus and Tropicals which is like a big green house/flower shop. This was not your typical Home Depot-looking flower shop though. This was high-class. Chairs for the ceremony were set up in front of a tiny yellow house in the middle of the store and around an ornate fountain that bubbled and greeted you as you walked in. All the flowers smelled amazing! Rob and Nicole's colors were a funky but awesome mix of orange, purple, and teal. Rob played the guitar while Nicole walked down the aisle and the mayor performed the short but beautiful ceremony. Immediately after "You may kiss the bride! (No making out)" the reception started right in the other corner of the restaurant. It was like a high school reunion for Travis and it was fun for me to see his old crew and catch up with everyone/meet some new people! Here are some pictures of the ceremony but they're bad quality but you can kind of get the jist of it:

After the reception, Justin, Karson and Shane came back to our place to hang out. After trying and failing to download the UFC fights from that night (darn...........), I convinced the boys to play Dance Central on Kinect. I only took one picture and it's not even funny, but I was laughing too hard the rest of the time to take any more:

Sunday:

On Sunday my asthma was bothering me all day so that kind of sucked but Travis watched some girly movies with me so it was okay I guess. We went over to his parents house like we ritually do each week even though his parents were in Washington, D.C. performing in a choir for Memorial Day (cool, huh?!). Britany and Josh came over and we cooked up the left-overs of our turkey burgers from Thursday (grilled food take 4 for this weekend) and this time I took some pictures and in the next post I'll tell you how I made the turkey burgers (I tried putting it in this post but it would have been novel-long). Of course we didn't tell Britany what was in the turkey burgers (some chopped up veggies) because she wouldn't have eaten hers, so ignorance was bliss and she loved it. I still felt sick after we'd eaten but my sweet husband took care of me and let me sleep while he finished our laundry :) awww.

A weekend with old friends, new friends, extended and immediate family, good food and good fun - it doesn't get much better than that, folks.

This is some full yogurt. It exploded on me when I peeled the top off. Gotta love yoplait whips though :)

the big 2-0

Wednesday was my birthday and now I am officially 20. Travis woke me up by tossing purple tulips onto the bed around me and singing, “Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you! I’m-sorry-I’m-not-dressed-I-just-got-out-of-the-showerrrrrrr! Happy birthday to you!” I got out of bed and saw that he had hung streamers all over the house! Pink streamers! And happy birthday signs and blown-up balloons taped to the walls.

I saw a note he had printed off that said “Happy Birthday Cozette!” with a long message underneath, but I had to quiz him on his dumb IS vocab for his final before he would let me look at it! I was dying! Then he left and I finally ran to look at it and it was a scavenger hunt!

The capital letters throughout the note spelled out:

W-E-A-R-E-G-O-I-N-G-T-O-T-H-E-R-O-O-F-F-O-R-D-I-N-N-E-R-T-O-N-I-G-H-T!

Hooray!

Now, you have to understand that I had been stressing about my birthday for days because I didn't know what we should do. And one of the worst things I ever do is to not tell Travis what I want and then be mad when he doesn't give what I do want. Make sense? No. So I was trying to figure out things and I couldn't think of anything and he kept making suggestions like "Let's go play laser tag!" which normally I would be psyched about (with a big group of people either all wearing black combat clothes or bright neon), but for my 20th birthday? It's not my 12th birthday, hun. So I was getting pretty worried, but Travis followed through like he always does! I think he was trying to top last birthday (a surprise visit down to Arizona!).

Anyway, back to the scavenger hunt. So I ran to the Cap’n Crunch and this was inside:

In case you can't read it, this is what it says:

"Now that you have found a clue in the deep, crunchy sea the Captain sails, you must eat of his treasure. If you do not eat, the next clue will mysteriously not be in the place that it should...you must obey all commands (oh...and...um...if you could?...maybe rinse your dish and put it in the dishwasher when you're done so that I don't have to do so many dishes when I get home? Hehe). Remember! All commands must be obeyed!"

Psh. I was not doing that. I wanted to find the next clue NOW. I looked all around in the bowls and by the spoons and on the milk carton and inside the dishwasher. Nothing! What? How did he do this magic?! So I gave in and wolfed down bowl of cereal, rinsed my dishes and put them in the dishwasher. As I was closing it, I saw the next clue taped to the outside.

Clever, Travis. Taping it to a white spot so there’s no way I would see it unless my face was 6 inches away, which is what always happens when I close the dishwasher. Very clever. This is what it said:

"The fact that you have found this clue means that you are an obedient treasure seeker. Well done. How was your Crunch? Now it is time to rest...yes, you must rest on this scavenger hunt! The next clue is invalid before 11:30 AM. But when the time comes...go to the room of bath for it is time to powder your chin. Go get ready for the day and find your next clue!"

(powder my chin? don't you mean nose, honey?)

No way. Not going to happen. I’m way to impatient. So I went in right away, poked through the drawers and cabinets, and finally look in my make up bag and, baada bing baada boom. A little background info on this one: Travis does this "Asian" accent that doesn't sound Asian at all and just drives me crazy. But more importantly it showed me where we were going, right away. So that is what this is supposed to sound like...

It says:

"HEWOAH! MY NAME IS HONEY WONUT, I AM FWOM BEIJING (WHERE WE GWOW DE BEEF!) NOW THAT YOU WOOK SO PRETTY YOU MUST COME TO THE PANDA EXPWESS AND I MAKE YOU DE CHINESE FOOD! I MAKE DE CHINESE FOOD VEWY VEWY GOOD! BUT YOU MUST COME AT EXACTWY 12:45...I MAKE YOU DE CHINESE FOOD FOW FWEE BUT ONWY AT 12:45 PM.

(Ha! I caught you trying to come in for your next clue before 11:30! But that is okay, because this clue really isn't valid until 12:45!)"

Travis knows me very well. And not just in a “duh, you’re married,” kind of way. He knows me inside and out, my quirks and smiles and attitudes. But even though I can confidently say this, there are still some things he assumes about me that just make me laugh. He did know that I would cheat and come into the bathroom early. But,come on, don’t step foot in the bathroom until 11:30 and yet be ready to meet you for lunch at 12:45?? When I have to shower (wash my hair, shave, exfoliate), dry my hair, do my make up, curl my hair, paint my toenails, pick out the perfect outfit, accessorize, look up on Google maps where I’m supposed to go because I still don’t know my way around, and drive there, all in an hour and 15 minutes? Please. Granted, I was probably going to spend way more time than I usually do because it was my birthday and I had some extra time to pamper myself and take a ridiculously long shower. But, c’mon. I started getting ready right then at 10.

After doing all that pampering and getting dressed I raced down to the car to find this on my steering wheel:

Wow! Giftcard to target saying that after we went to lunch together I got to go shopping for whatever/however long I wanted and Travis would come with me and not even complain! What a gift! (Picture is so small because it was taken with my dumb phone...)

So I took off to Panda (got lost on the way...I need a GPS) and found my cute hubby waiting outside for me! We went inside where I got my Beijing Beef (guilty pleasure...)

And when I opened my fortune cookie, I was giddy to find that my fortune read:

What a perfect birthday fortune! It was especially perfect because not only was today my birthday, but our 6th month wedding anniversary.

Awww!

While we eat I asked him when he had to be back to go to his next class and he smiled all sheepish and said it got canceled! It was a birthday miracle! After we ate we headed over to Cold Stone for more guilty pleasures. I tried out a new flavor that tastes like the cream inside an Oreo. I had to eat it in a cup but I wish it had been served like this!

Then we headed to Target where I shopped for over an hour without one single complaint from husband! I tore the clothes section apart to find the perfect outfit for our smokin' date that night. After trying on way too much I settled on this ensemble:

Then we went home to relax and watch our new favorite show, Friday Night Lights before we had to get ready to go. When it was time to get ready, Travis dressed up! Eee! Then we headed out to Macy's (I said for my birthday I also wanted him to get some new clothes, courtesy of a Macy's wedding giftcard haha). He picked out this cute westerny plaid shirt and red undershirt (he looks soo good in red, it should be illegal) and then we headed to The Roof!

The Roof is located at the top of the Joseph Smith Memorial Building:

Super tall gorgeous building right next to the SLC Temple. I had never been there before and Travis and I were supposed to go for our first Valentine's day but our plans got messed up. Plus, it is a buffet so I was stoked (hehe). Our table was right next to the window where we could see the temple and soon after we got there (7:30) the sun started to set behind the temple and wow it was amazing! Here are some pictures:

Travis all spiffy in his grownup clothes.

Me all spiffy in my birthday clothes!

A close up of the first course and my raspberry Italian cream soda - yum.

It was all really good (PS - I'm 20 and I still have a crooked thumbs-up...)

Hey waitress lady, take our picture please?

Hey that one sucked, another?

Meh, okay. Thanks!

We stayed until 10! Talking and eating tons and listening to another group's Australian accents and making fun of the guy sitting behind us who was hard-core showing off for his date. Then we took some pictures outside of the restaurant:

By the time we walked out my feet were killing me so I made Travis carry me (poor guy) until I finally just took my shoes off to walk to the car:

It was a good birthday thanks to my sweet husband:

I am the luckiest girl in the world.

frame wall

In an attempt to make our apartment feel more like home, Travis and I have been on a decorating kick lately. And since we're poor and have way too much time on our hands, we decided we would go to DI and other thrift stores to buy old stuff and refinish it. We just finished our first project and it turned out so cool!

So we went to DI and bought these frames first just to test things out.

$1

$1

$3

We then bought spray paint from Michael's. Each time we bought it we used a 40% off coupon that Michael's has every week. I Googled "Michael's coupon" and found it. The website allowed you to print as many copies as you wanted so we printed a ton. We bought the Krylon spray paint, which is originally $5.99 a can. That price with 40% off came to be about $3.60 a can. Since the coupons always say "One coupon per customer per day," we could only each buy one a day so it took a few days to get all the colors we wanted. We ended up with six colors - cherry red, sunrise yellow, ocean blue, purple, leaf grean, and pumpkin orange. Once we bought the colors we began to spray paint.

We bought a tarp at Lowe's for about $2 and put it on our balcony and sanded and spray painted the frames out there. This picture shows the frame flat on the tarp; we later realized that that didn't work because the tarp would stick to the sides of the frames a little bit and pull the paint off when we lifted it up. So we later switched to putting the frames on cans and then spray painted them (which resulted in all our cans of food to be covered in paint so thick we almost can't read the labels. But hey, at least our cabinets are more colorful now!)

After painting that first frame red, I went back to DI on a quest to find more cheap, cool looking frames. I had $20 cash and I wanted enough frames to fill up a small wall in our apartment. I ended up with all of these!

Total, I spent $23 dollars on everything here! However, in the final project I did this time, I didn't use that big octagonal mirror on the side. That cost $10 by itself, but it was worth it (for another project coming soon!). That means all of the frames besides the mirror only cost $13 put together! 14 frames for $13. Crazy.

To decide what color we wanted to paint each frame, we measured our wall and recreated the space on the floor. After playing Tetris to see how we wanted to arrange them in the space, Travis made an Excel spreadsheet, Google image'd pictures of frames in the colors we wanted, and we played around with the colors on that. He is so brilliant! After painting, this is what we came up with!

Then to hang them up, we started at the top row and just eyeballed the spacing all the way down. This is how it turned out:

(This picture is so much bigger than the others because it was taken with Travis's phone and not my small, dinky one).

We love it and keep staring at it in awe and the best part was that even though it took a while because the frames required lots of coats of paint, it was very easy! All in all, I'd say this project cost about $45 ($18 for frames, $21 for paint, $2 for tarp, $3 for sandpaper). Now that we have the colors of spray paint, we're going to reuse them though. For example, the octagonal mirror we didn't use - we are going to take the mirror out, tape off the gold outline of the frame and spray paint the middle part of the frame with the cherry red color and hang it in out bedroom to match our red and gold bedspread.

Next we're working on painting our bedroom furniture (dresser, bed-side table) shiny black. We bought a chest at DI for $10 (I think?) and we've already painted it black, just need to add the finishing touches and when I go down to Arizona again next week, my mom and I are going to make a cushion to go on top of it :)

give me some more arizona sun

I got back from Arizona a few days ago. To say that this trip was planned for the most perfect time possible would be beyond understated. Right before coming home to pack for my glorious spring break from work to visit my family and friends in AZ, I got fired.

Hold up.

Rewind.

What?

Yeah, fired. It sucked. I was so embarrassed and discouraged and down on myself. Strangely enough, though, I was relieved. In the midst of "Wow, I am unemployed," I was crying half out of sheer joy. Teaching preschool was not my "thing." It's not just that though. Ever since I began working at Challenger full time, moved up here away from my family for the first time, took on a full load of online classes, I've felt like I was slowly slipping under water until I reached the point where I was suffocating. I was miserable during a time that should have been one of the happiest of my life. I was under so much stress between working full time at a job I wasn't very good at, trained at all for, and didn't even like and being a new wife and student. I lost myself in all the stress. Old feelings of loneliness and isolation that I never really dealt with came back full force and knocked the wind right out of me. There was not even enough energy left in me to spread thin. The worst part was that my wonderful husband who is absolutely the best thing in my life right now felt that he lead some role in my unhappiness, when really he was the only thing helping me hang on.

So, like I said, a trip to the land of the sun could not have been better timed.

The night before I left was Travis's mission reunion for the Russia, Samara mission. A few of Travis's mission buddies pooled together and raised enough money for President and Sister Davydik to come over for a week from Belarus, which was truly amazing. The reunion was so fun, and the Davydik's, the Bennets, and Elder Roshetkikov (sp?) of the 70 all gave incredible talks which were translated almost flawlessly. It was so fun to see all of Travis's mission companions and old roommates. Then a bunch of people came back to our place to play our Kinect that we bought ourselves for an early birthday present. Jesse, Corinne, Andy, Makenna, Nate, Kylee, Jacob, Justin - it was so great having you all over! I love you guys. Then Andy and Makenna crashed at our place and we stayed up late talking and they are so great.

My plane left early the next morning though (8:00...) and I landed in AZ about 9 and the fun began. The weather was amazing and my dad picked me up and we drove home with the windows down the whole way mmm. He took me back to my parents house where he, my mom and I sat on my bed for an hour and just talked and hung out. My mom and I watched the new design show she's obsessed with that I'm now becoming obsessed with too and taught me all about how to use coupons. I hung out there and Nolle came over with my Grandma and we played with the puppies (I mean BEASTS gosh they're huge now) all day.

Then I went to lunch at RA with my dearest friend, Amanda, and we caught up after what's been WAY too long. It's crazy to me that even after barely seeing each other for 3 months, she still understands me better than almost anyone. I guess being best friends with someone for 8 years gives you that wonderful advantage.

Jaimee and Noelle dragged me to some scary movie that night, Insidious, which really WAS scary but it was also really lame and I screamed like a child the whole time and they laughed at me but that's usually how it goes. Mark came too and it was awesome to get to know my future brother-in-law better. He is a really great guy and he and Jaim are perfect together.

Sunday was General Conference so of course we all slept in until 11, customary in the Jenkins household. We made brunch and watched about 45 minutes before my mom and I got fed up with how everyone else was asleep/snoring so we called it quits. We just hung out the rest of the day and lazed around. ("Lazy Sunday, wake up in the late afternoon" ha....) Sunday night I spent the night at Jaimee and Noelle's.

All of Monday we watched Vampire Diaries while Noelle worked on her art project. It is AWESOME. Way better than Twilight; new favorite show. I just wish we had got all caught up so I could start watching this season's episodes, but we will. Then I spent the night again.

Tuesday I took my cousin Victoria out to lunch. She is so cool. I wish we were the same age so we could have been best friends in high school because she has got it together. It sucks that we didn't grow up closer because she is a beautiful, smart, funny girl. But I'm just glad we're becoming good friends now. Later that day I went shopping with Jaimee and my mom at Scottsdale Fashion Square (why can't there be one up here?!) and discovered H&M and fell in love! Considering that I had just gotten fired and should be running on severe confidence lows, I daringly bought only the kinds of things I'd always wanted to wear but never had the guts to buy before. That seems silly, but trying something on, that on any other day you would feel totally self-conscious in, and rocking it is a great feeling. (Pictures to come of these daring outfits).

Wednesday Jaimee did my hair and my mom's. Her little salon is so cute; I love sitting in there and looking at all the peacock colors and feathers. My hair turned out so good but it's still not exactly where I want it to be yet. I think it's because I don't know exactly where I want it to be yet. I'm loving these i-tip extensions though and will replace some when I go down again in a few weeks (eek!) I love long talks with my mom and sisters. My family is just so amazing and wonderful. I am so blessed.

Thursday Travis drove down after his morning class. He is so wonderful to drive all day by himself so I could come down a few days early. Staying at my parents house without him was really weird because it brought me back to when he and I were doing long distance. At times, I kind of forgot I was married (not forgot about HIM) because it just flashed me back to a year ago's phone calls and webcam chats and "I miss you"s and "I wish you were here"s. I missed him a ton, but I didn't even realize how much until he was on his way down. He pulled into the drive way and I ran out and jumped into his arms (it was timed perfectly, movie-style) with my arms and legs around him in a full-body hug squeeking, "Oh! Oh! Oh! I love you! Oh! Oh!" Then my dad started to walk out and Travis practically dropped me on my bum. Thanks, babe!

It was so great having the family all together! Saturday, Travis and I busted out the old ping pong table and after getting frustrated (correction, after me getting frustrated) because the wind was blowing the ball everywhere (making me even worse), we moved it into the entry way, which is the best place for a ping pong, table, anyway. My family played all day and it was so fun but Travis is the undisputed champ! Mark brought his boys over later and they are such great kids and are so cute. My mom babysat baby Oscar later while Jaimee and Mark took Ben and Cecil to see Hop and Oscar is the best baby and so cute. Then my mom, dad, Travis and I and Oscar met them at In N Out after the movie but we got there before them and it was funny because people were looking at me thinking that was my baby haha. We went to Yogurtland after and then back to my parents house to play the Game of Things for a bit until it was too late and everyone had to leave.

Saturday no one could really decide what we wanted to do. Everything is so expensive. So we all just hung out and Mark brought the kids over again and we all played ping pong again and my dad made the most amazing Asian marinated pork chops in the whole world and wow they were so good. I hope that someday I am half as good of a cook as he is. He just has an amazing talent! Then we played Game of Things h-core style. We busted out a whiteboard to write everyone answer's down (mostly to help my mom who kept getting the rules mixed up!) and it got pretty racy. The best time though was when almost everyone wrote the same hilarious inside joke answer and we could not stop laughing/crying/hyperventilating. It was epic.

When Travis and I drove home the next day, I was so sad. It was hard to come back to real life knowing that real life would be so different. Living up here is hard because Mesa still feels like my home no matter where we go or how long we're here. I guess Arizona will just always be my fairytale land I can escape to.

writing about writing

I am on a quest to become a "blogger." I don't know what has sparked this. Perhaps starting to write a bit again has brought some itch to the surface. I was reminded by something I heard a friend say a few years ago: "My fingers are possessed by the will to write." I used to be like that. Words were just so big and so powerful I couldn't contain them.

WHAT HAPPENED?

I think part of it was that I used to think poetry was my "thing." I've had this unfinished novel that has the potential to be great stuffed in a drawer for years with well over 200 pages written, but poetry was my forte. Or so I thought. Nothing like a poetry class to squash that dream. It's not that my teacher or even having to create in a structured environment stifled my creativity. Nothing just ever came, and I can honestly admit that my best piece of writing was a parody on the 3 little pigs that modernized the Big Bad Wolf to a 1920s gangster. And my sister was the one who thought of that idea (It turned out very good though I must admit...) Maybe it was because within that structured environment there were suddenly all these rules for what I had always viewed as a medium of free expression.

Yes, I know writing has rules and have learned some new ones over the years. Adverbs suck, write about what you know, most rhyming is cheesy unless you're a rapper then it's great (no, that's not right...). I understand. But ever since I began writing I was all about breaking the rules. Not in some attempt of fruitless rebellion against my junior high and high school english teachers. More than anything it was an effort to write how I speak. Formal, academic writing is a personal pet peeve. I use slang when I talk; I speak in fragments; why should I be a different person on paper than I am live? So this whole regimented poetry thing was just not for me.

On the other hand, I thrived in my Creative Nonfiction class. So awesome; take it if you get the chance at ASU - ENG 217. (Professor Camille Newton rocks). Writing about myself and my experiences was so easy and refreshing and being (almost) completely let loose while at the same time being equipped with so many new tools of expression - exhilarating. Even producing work that was not my best left me in awe of a freshly new discovered talent.

The problem is though, I don't want to just write. I want to be read. I kept a journal pretty religiously for 2010 and I still write down for myself my most private thoughts. But for goodness sakes, I want someone to read my material besides my husband and mom. So in an attempt to scratch this itch I'll blog obsessively about...random? Probably. Oh well.

I think this itch also has to do with the fact that I've decided to double major in Print Journalism and Education when I get to BYU. Hooray!

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wisdom from dad

Each of us makes his own weather, determines the color of the skies in the emotional universe which he inhabits.

- Fulton J. Sheen

I got a letter from my dad a few weeks ago. I opened the envelope to find a half sheet of paper with this tidbit of wisdom typed up. No "Hi, how are you?" or even a "Dear Cozette," coupled with a "Love, Dad." He offered no explanation of where he found this quote, who Fulton J. Sheen was, or any kind of normal letter-writing behavior. Yet in the lack of explanation, of colloquial small talk, I realized that although sometimes I forget, my father knows me better than almost anyone. He may not be the person I tell all my problems or chat up with my girl talk, but he understands the way I think and feel.

During junior high I started collecting quotes as a kind of hobby. I wrote anything I deemed worth remembering down in a spiral bound notebook with Napoleon Dynamite on the cover which my sisters gave to me. I carried it around everywhere, whipped it out during movies, conversations, school. I added to my collection over the years with higher quality journals and a Quotes section in the Notes application on my Blackberry. One time while rifling through my parents books and stuff in their office, I found a small green book with gold outlining on the cover. I flipped it open and found pages and pages filled with my dad's scrawly, impossible-to-read lawyer handwriting that scribbled out quote after quote after quote. Some were funny, others inspirational, many were from Sherlock Holmes novels. And I realized we had never really talked about quote-collecting and this was a trait and habit I had inherited unbeknownst to either of us. Now that I come to really think about it, the book that first sparked my interest in quote collecting was called "Wisdom from Dad," a father's quote journal published by his son after the father died. It was arranged topically, filled with quotations from presidents to prophets, anonymous proverbs to what the author called "Dad-isms." Coincidence?

In one sentence, my dad addressed what hours spent on the phone with other family or friends, or Facebook chats, or talks with Travis on the couch or in bed during restless, stressful nights could sometimes only help to achieve. In one sentence, he established not only pathos but ethos by relating to me in a deeply personal way that I've used as a medium nearly my whole life - written word.

I am the kind of person who truly believes, "it's the thought that counts." Not as an excuse for a lame present or unfinished presentation, but as a quality that is just as important as what is physically given. One of the best presents I ever received was a book of classic American poetry, a journal, and a pen from a dear friend. In that small bundle, the flattery and excitement came from the depth of understanding this person had of me rather than from the gifts themselves.

Although my dad may have merely sent this short letter to suggest we begin a new pen-pal tradition, his small token of affection resulted in much more. In a period in my life full of change and turmoil and feelings of one of the few things I truly fear - inadequacy - I needed these words of wisdom. During times of adversity I often look to my parents' examples for the will to carry on. They have overcome unbelievable trials and pains and have come through scathed but strengthened. Hearing their stories, however, I often put their abilities on a pedestal. I would never suggest their struggles were somehow easier to bear than mine, but sometimes I catch myself thinking that they were able to deal with them because my mom and dad are just better, stronger, more faithful than I am. And even though I know this is not necessarily true, I still fear sometimes that I will never rise to their level and become a person that my children and others will revere and respect as much as I do them.

In one sentence, my dad not only demonstrated that he knows me better than I ever thought he did, but that he does because he has faced similar trials and has used this wisdom to aid in overcoming them. He knows me because he has walked where I'm walking and seen what I'm seeing and felt what I'm feeling. In one sentence, he has empowered me to become who I want to be right now instead of waiting for something to change or get easier.

This morning was just one of those mornings. Even though I slept for way too long and was no longer sleepy, I woke up so tired. Exhausted from the day-to-day stress, loneliness, and uncertainty of life right now. Getting out of bed seemed too big a feat. I was already conquered by anxiety and sadness by 7:02. A lack of physical sickness forced me up and to work where I could just feel a dark raincloud hovering over me, drenching me in the blues. As I fought through my melancholy mood, I remembered this quote, the feeling of overwhelming emotion as I read it for the first time and my choked-up voicemail on my dad's cell later that day expressing my gratitude and appreciation for this small but very influential gesture of kindness.

Remembering that, I decided to paint my skies blue and sunny, and I was happy.

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